The Former Love Letter
by Invisible Peacock
Summary: Four friends have ability to travel between universes and .. How will they use it? Crackfic, OC/canon chara pairings, contains also other fandoms than just PotC and
1. In which few plans are replaced

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything else except myself and main parts of the plot. My friends own themselves and everything they had brought to the story. Everything else belongs to their rightful owners.**

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Chapter 1  
In which few plans are replaced

Milla POV

Let's start the whole story with a word. This word is going to be "glass".

A glass was the only thing that separated me from Sonja. A thick, strong glass wall was the only thing that kept me alive. It was the only thing that prevented my friend strangling me to death, and I was really thankful to it. Well, I must confess that I was still a bit nervous. With no reason, really, because even the famous hitman Sonja couldn't break through SHIELD's glass prison. It was designed for Hulk, after all. And even if she tried, Fury would drop her to the ground. It would be her end, and she knew it.  
Talking about Fury, he was wasting his time at the moment, if you're asking me. Had wasted his time for last two hours, talking to the blonde-haired girl behind the glass wall.  
"Your help would be very important for the whole world's safety", he said "Why can't you understand it?"  
"Do you really think that I'm interested to help you? And cheat Loki at the same time?" Sonja asked sarcastically "Well, jus for you now: I'm _NOT_."  
"Oh my, love is just unbelievably **strong** emotion", I said grinning. Yes, even in situations like this, I just had to tease Sonja a little bit. She blushed, as always, and she was red as a strawberry. Well, it actually could have been also result of anger and not embarrassment…  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE!" she shouted furiously and took dangerously long step towards the glass wall. I have to admit, I did back off a little bit… And she smirked happily.  
"You are mean…", I said and made a puppy face. It really didn't work, it never did…  
"Sorry, not sorry."  
"I'll leave you here", Fury said to us and walked to the door. He turned around.  
"But if you two stop being like little brats, try to put some sense in her head", he nodded at Sonja, and walked out of the room.  
"Dream on!" she shouted after him. Yup, it would be from a dream if I could ever make Sonja do anything Fury wanted.

"Yes sir…" I said silently to a closed door.  
She looked at me poisonously.  
"Oh, can't we be polite to each other?" I asked. She showed me her both middle fingers.  
"I'm being as "polite" as I can, bastard", she smiled coldly.  
"Sonjaaaaaa, that's so **_mean_**", I said.  
"Do you think _you_ have _**any**_ reasons to be wounded?" she asked, trying to be calm. It was always calm before the storm.  
"Yes", I said simply and smiled as innocently as I could. And jumped quickly further from the glass wall when Sonja thumped her fists on the glass.  
"Geez, thank god it didn't _broke_…" I muttered nervously.  
"You fucking little piece of…" she snarled.  
"It seems you are getting angry…", I mentioned "…for me."  
"No, no, I'm not angry… Or if angry means that I want to crush your skull... Then YES! I'M ANGRY AT YOU!" she yelled.  
"It's a pity. Because I'd have liked a friendly, civilized conversation. You are not making it very easy… But hey, what did we have to talk about anyways? I don't remember, do you?"  
Before Sonja could say anything rude and probably censorable, I said:  
"Waitaminute, waitaminute, I might remember it, I might remember, indeed… Oh yesyesyes, I should remember it now!" I smiled "The plan was that I should talk you into SHIELD's side, talk you into Avenger's side and talk you into giving Loki on a platter to Fury, right? Yup, that was the subject we should talk about! At last I remember something correctly…"  
"Wipe that stupid smile off your face and forget that plan. You know that it will never work. I'm not going to do anything for SHIELD", she said and turned her back to me, like saying "You're a fucking moron, and we have nothing to talk about anymore."  
"_Who_ said that I was going to actually USE that plan?"  
"…What?" she looked at me, mildly astonished.  
"I suggest we replace that plan with other plan, better and less boring one!" I claimed.  
Now she turned around, facing me again, looking interested. But, of course, very suspicious. It was understandable.

"What if I'll get you out of there?"  
"WHAT…?"  
"Can't you say anything else but "what"?"  
"Well... WHAT THE FUCK?"  
"Do you like this new plan or not, I really can't tell…"  
"How do I know this is not some trick?"  
"What, don't you _TRUST me_?"  
"No."  
"Well, how could I convince you that this is not a trick? Because it's really not."  
"Well... If you let me out, then I can consider that. Maybe."  
Then I remembered something…  
"…You won't crush my skull or strangle me or do anything else nasty, painful or deadly if I'll help you out?"  
"YES, YES! Get me out!"  
"That isn't really assuring…"  
If looks could kill, you couldn't read this anymore, because the writer would be dead.  
"Okay, okay, I'll get you out!" I laughed.  
"How?"  
"You'll see", I said smiling. I walked to the control panel of the glass jail. Just the right button and everything from that moment on would have been a piece of cake.

Except that Fury had put a cover with a lock on the control panel, so I really couldn't reach the buttons. How annoying.  
"Damn... Okay, this is a bit embarrassing but it doesn't work..."  
Actually, it wasn't just "a bit" embarrassing, it was "a goddamn I-want-to-sink-to-the-ground" embarrassing.  
"How I'm not surprised?" Sonja sighed.  
"I have an another plan!" I claimed, but then I remembered what that plan actually was "We'll have to call mister freelance bio-exorcist here..."  
Sonja seemed a bit shocked.  
"If he is who I think he is... I'm not going to say anything... Seriously, HIM?"  
"I don't have many friends who could get you out of there... Besides, do you have someone else in mind?"  
"...but it's HIM."  
"Who else, then?"  
"I DON'T KNOW."  
"Then, we doesn't have really much choice, have we? And don't worry, he is okay... Kinda…"  
She swept her hand. I would suggest it meant "Whatever. I hate this, but do as you please." So I did, and shouted:  
"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"


	2. In which someone get's a new mouth

Chapter 2  
In which someone get's a new mouth

Milla POV

Nothing happened for a while.

Nothing happened for a second while.

Nothing happened for a third while.

And nothing happened for a fourth, fifth, or sixth while, and I was horrified.

"Why it doesn't work…?" I muttered.  
"Woooooooow, really awesome! I'm impressed!" Sonja said sarcastically and clapped her hands. We were both disappointed.  
"It will work!" I said more to myself than to her "Usually…"  
Nothing happened. I was getting really annoyed.  
**_"For God's sake, where the hell are you, Beetlej-"_**  
My yell ended immediately, because without any warning my lips were replaced by a closed zipper.  
"What the fuck…?" Sonja sounded way too happy if you ask me…  
"Uh-uh! Nobody says the "B" word, hon!"  
Sonja turned quickly around. Behind her was standing a pale, green-haired and very, very creepy dead guy, with a sly grin. Well, that grin faded away quickly because Sonja punched him into his face.  
"Shit! I'm sorry! Just a reflex, nothing personal", she explained as Beetlejuice spitted out a broken tooth.  
"Well aren't you one feisty little pumpkin…" Beetlejuice muttered and continued, smiling dirty "Don't worry babes, you can make it up with a kiss, after all I'm your saviour and you're a damsel in distress and everything like that. Just a little kiss, come here baby…"  
Sonja moved further of him and said:  
"I'm not sorry about that punch anymore."  
Even though it would have been very amusing to watch those two (because eventually Beetlejuice's lecherous flirting would have led into fight and it would have been very amusing), I had to interrupt them. Thank God he hadn't riveted a steel plate on my mouth. Would have been a bit hard to unzip it, unlike the zipper.  
"Why are you late?" I asked him. It felt kinda funny to talk when lips were replaced by a zipper. He turned to me, a bit annoyed because I had interrupted his flirting.  
"We aren't in a hurry, right hon? I just wanna get to know your friend better…" he said.  
"I _**really**_don't want to get to know **you** any better!" Sonja snarled, being ready to defend herself against Beetlejuice.  
"Milla, isn't there seriously **_anyone_** else who could get me out of here?!"  
"But BJ promised to do the job free! Or at least almost..." I muttered.  
"And his workmanship is really in that level, you mingy idiot!"  
"Oh c'mon babe, maybe we can wipe the slate clean… And get ourselves dirtier later, whaddaya say?"  
"I say you're asking for it…" she growled at Beetlejuice.  
"It? Oh yeah, and I'm sure you'll do 'it' well, babes", he said suggestively.  
"Troubles! I meant that you're asking for troubles you goddamn -"  
"Hey, could you maybe stop that and continue on this side of that glass? Or, better, continue that when we're not in this flying fortress anymore. Anyweissen, Sonja, BJ, you already know each other so… Yeah, BJ, get her out of that cell, capiche? I really wouldn't like to wait whole day until Fury realizes that I'm not trying to kinda sorta brainwash her…"  
They both looked at me and mumbled:  
"Well, you got the point…"  
"So, how are we gonna get out of here? Because if we even scratch that damn glass, the whole cell will drop to the ground", Sonja reminded.  
"BJ, if you please", I said smiling. He smirked and snapped his fingers. In a blink of an eye I couldn't see them anymore; they were too little for human eye to see.


	3. In which tone of voice is lethal

Chapter 3  
In which tone of voice is lethal

Milla POV

One of the ventilation pipes outside the glass prison started shaking mildly. If I listened carefully, I could hear very distant voices inside it. Voices of Sonja and Beetlejuice who were now maybe a centimeter tall little creatures. Suddenly, there was a hole in the pipe's wall. I moved quickly away from the hole, and almost immediately I saw Sonja laying on the floor and Beetlejuice sitting on the railing. His left eye was even blacker than normally.  
"I **told** you I can get you out of that cell", I pointed out smilingly to Sonja who stood up quickly.  
"Thanks, but this must be _**the last damn time**_ you'll **ever** call **any** goddamn perverts to rescue me!" she shouted angrily and pointed at Beetlejuice.  
"Oh, so** that** was the noise I heard…" I mumbled and tried to hide a mild grin.  
"And this will be the last time I'll rescue any of your friends", Beetlejuice said to me but glanced lecherously at Sonja "Unless they're at least as hot as that one, and less cranky."  
"Keep your eyes off me or I'll **_rip_** them off!"  
"See? Cranky as hell. _And I know what hell is!_"  
"Why, you little son of a-"  
And then, a damn loud alarm noise that hurts your ears mercilessly.  
"WHAT THE- DID THOSE BASTARDS FIND OUT!?" Sonja shouted furiously.  
"But I manipulated the cameras! It's impossible!" Beetlejuice shouted back. Indeed, he had. Else he hadn't done it well, or…  
"WELL WASN'T THIS JUST GREAT! THE WHOLE ESCAPING WAS DAMN FLOP!"  
"SHUT UP,** both** of you! Listen!" I screamed. A metallic female voice echoed in the sound system. We didn't understand very much, it was a bit unclear. But few things were sure; first, those imbeciles hadn't found out what we three had done, second, there was an intruder on this ship, third, he/she was apparently very dangerous and fourth; he/she was coming on our way.  
"Is that guy on our side or what?" Sonja asked (Or shouted, because the announcement was repeated way too many times. Don't you just hate repeated and loud and unclear announcements?).  
"I suppose so. If I suppose correctly, your ex will be here soon."  
"WHAT?"  
I wasn't really sure if it was said by Sonja or Beetlejuice…  
"Didn't you hear?" I asked "BILLY. RAY. SANGUINE."  
"I heard you! But… WHY. WHY HIM", she shouted, shocked. I really didn't think she would be that upset.  
"He's a hitman deluxe! Isn't it obvious why? I don't know many hitmen who can be considered as 'deluxe'!"  
"I'M ONE!"  
"But currently without your weapon. Plus, you have no magic like he does. And two is always better than one!"  
She was still very upset…  
"But Billy -"  
"Is your ex, IknowIknowIknowIknowIknowIknow."

We started to heard terrified screams. About "Monster!" and "Mommy!" and "I don't wanna dieeee!" stuff.  
"Oh, he's coming!" I tried to sound happy. But to be honest, I didn't like terrified screams. I think I'm getting a little bit soft.  
Sonja was just standing there, looking at the door. I could guess what she was thinking: Soon there would be a hole in that door and her ex would step inside through it.  
"Are you angry?" I asked. She just glared at me.  
And then it happened. A hole in the wall and a blonde-haired handsome man stepped inside with a blood-covered straight razor. I looked the view that the hole was revealing. Bloody corpses. Oh the joy.

But even if you're fighting against sudden urge to throw up, smile is always good. Always smile. Yay yay yay.

So, I said, smilingly;  
"Sanguine! Hi! We were talking about you! How's it going?"  
He didn't hear me or didn't care, because he moved quite swiftly near Sonja. I mean very, very near. A bit too near if you're talking about two person who broke up a little bit… stormily few years ago and haven't kept any contact since that.  
"Hi, sweetie."  
"Hi Billy…..", she said, forced smile on her face.  
"It's been a long time", he said and touched her face, but she turned away, embarrassed.  
"Yeah…"  
Sanguine was about to say something, but I just had to interrupt them. It was too awkward to watch.  
"Okay, let's go already! You two can discuss later… And Loki and the rest are probably waiting and everything…"  
"Who is Loki?" Sanguine asked. And before Sonja could say anything (possibly a bit more diplomatic) I just blurted it:  
"Sonja's boyfriend!"  
"…..What?"  
God, if you could have heard his tone of voice! I didn't really realize it that time (if I would have, I wouldn't have said anything anymore in that situation), but it was cold. Freezing. No, it was absolute zero. It was like an icicle that was hanging exactly above your head, ready to drop from any littlest movement and pierce your brains. And heart. And lungs. And every other vital orgasm. And I was careless enough not to notice it.  
"Or, actually he's more like Sonja's fiance."  
"FIANCE?!"  
He was shocked, really angrily shocked, and I finally understood that I should have stayed quiet.  
"Okaylet'sgoalready!" Sonja said and was about to left the room.  
"Wait a minute, darlin'. I brought something for you", Sanguine said and gave her back the black katana which SHIELD had taken.  
"I found this."  
"Well, thank you", she said and smiled, now genuinely happy.  
"Shall we go then?"  
"Yeah."  
Then, we heard another screams. Terrified of their comrades' deaths.  
"Judging by that floor is covered with bodies, I thought that you had killed them all…" Sonja said and raised her brows.  
"I thought that you would like to have some of them."


	4. In which one misremembers something

Chapter 4  
In which one misremembers something

Milla POV

Splash. It was heard non-stop. And after that little noise, there was more and more red on the floor and ceiling and walls.

Why? Because Sanguine had been… well, kind of a gentleman and let some guards un-murdered on his way to the glass prison room.

Just so Sonja could happily kill them. And she was _really happy_. I couldn't have ever imagined how ridiculously happy and euphoric someone would be for killing people by a magically electric katana which either sliced those poor bastards heads and chests and legs or just mercifully gave them a fatal electric shock.  
Unfortunately for my eyes and conscience, she preferred to use the slicing technique which didn't make up really beautiful sight and leaved some of the victims alive for short moments. What did they do in their last moments? Cry, wail, mutter something about loved ones.  
And like that all those unpleasant sights and noises weren't enough, I couldn't close my eyes and ears from them, because I had to sidestep and leap over the bodies. And it was more than usual that I tripped on them. Yes, indeed, steeplechase but with dead human bodies. Perfect idea.  
After I had almost landed on my face on the floor because of a pile of bodies, the rest of our group turned around and looked at me. Sonja started laughing.  
"Hey, come on, that can't be so hard for you!"  
"It isn't hard for me! I'm just… little… absent-minded… and confused…"  
"Don't fall behind, okay? I'm not going to save you if you end in some problems", she said and smirked.  
"What ungrateful friend I have!" I smiled slightly. Some humour always lightened the situation "But I do not fall behind, I can look after myself, thank you very m-"  
Suddenly, I noticed that I was on the floor, blood on my face and staring at the young man whose eyes were open and skin was grey. Or to be more accurate, I was staring at his head. His body was the one I had clumsily stumbled. He was killed very recently, there was still some colour on his lips and his eyes hadn't started to sunk in the skull. In thirty minutes they would, and lips and nails would be turned white.  
Shivering, I stood up and saw BJ looking at me.  
"Hey, ya okay? You're looking paler than this guy here", he said and poked the young man's head with the tip of his shoe.  
"Stop", I said, trying to sound not so fragile and shocked. Every little grain of good mood was wiped away.  
"Why? He doesn't need it anymore", BJ said and picked the head up. I knew he was right, he was probably an expert when it comes to death, but just casually touching a dead man's head was just terribly _wrong_. Poor boy should be treated with some respect, not hanged from its nape like a badly behaving cat. And I really hated how there was blood dripping from its open mouth and neck.  
"Put it away, put it away, put it away put it away putitaway!" I begged from BJ. He shrugged and was about to drop the head. But then a malicious smile came on his lips. He looked at Sonja and Sanguine who were a little away from us.  
He thrower the head on them and yelled:  
"Hey blondes, catch some _brains_!"  
They both dodged it and turned around angrily. BJ was just laughing at his pun, and I was staring horrified as Sonja's katana started to spark with electricity, mirroring its owner's mind.  
And because I had known her longer than BJ, I was smart enough to step aside as she rushed towards us. The ghost's laugh stopped quickly as Sonja kicked him in the face. I collapsed on the floor and pressed my back against the wall. We were in a flying fortress, in the middle of dozens or hundreds of bodies, (and more would come as soon as someone would notice that every man sent here had meet his end) we were supposed to escape from this graveyard and what were those two hotheads doing? Fighting because of one tasteless, macabre joke.  
"Why there is never an useful portal to another and peaceful dimension when I need it…" I muttered myself and hoped that two fighters would stop soon so we could just get away from that terrible place. Then, I heard a whisper from my side.  
"Florence…?"  
I looked where the name came from. A man, maybe about forty years old. There was a long and deep slit on his side, but he was still alive.  
"…There is no Florence", I said silently. Maybe she was man's wife… or girlfriend… or sister… or comrade… or…  
"Florence, my little girl!"  
It was supposedly a daughter. And judging by the man's heartbreakingly happy smile, he was just seeing or hearing her in his imagination. I sighed and tried to stand up, but then he grabbed my shirt.  
"Florence, my precious child…"  
I stared at him in horror. He was thinking that I was Florence.  
"Nonononono, I'm not Florence! I'm Cassari, Milla Cassari, not Florence!" I said but he didn't understand anything.  
"My child… How have I missed you…" he started to cry.  
"I'm not Florence", I just kept repeating it, but he didn't hear me. He grabbed my wrists and whispered "Florence" and "my dearest" and "I love you so much" all the time, and even though I tried to just get away from him, he was strong and very persistent for a guy who would be completely dead in ten minutes.  
And then he tried to embrace me. Even remembering it now when I'm writing it brings the same horror in my spine as I felt it there, when a dying man, practically a living corpse tried to embrace my like I would have been his daughter. I couldn't help but scream.  
It awakened Sonja, Beetlejuice and in fight joined Sanguine from their combat and arguing. Without a word, Sonja electrocuted him mercifully fast.  
"Better now?" she asked.  
"Thank you", I said silently and tried to swallow my tears.  
"What did he do?"  
"He… he… thought that I… that I was his… his daughter…"  
I hiccupped and sobbed. Sonja, BJ and Sanguine looked each other, incapable of understanding why I was so shocked of one crazy, dying man.  
"Can we just get out of here already?" I asked.  
"…Yeah. Sure", Sonja said and I couldn't have been more grateful.

There were no more obstacles anymore. I wondered if every soldier in the ship had been killed. I was happy that the Avengers were on an other, a bit smaller fortress that flied behind the one we were in.  
Fortunately, we were so close to the ground and sea it wasn't hard to breathe. But the wind was unbelievable. It felt like a storm that was ready to wipe you away. But at the same time, it felt lovely. It felt that the wind would purify and take away every waft of blood- sweat- and faeces-smelling corridors. After that, windy and cold roof felt like heaven.

But then, Sanguine had to drop me back to reality.

"How are we getting out of here?"


End file.
